‘Soldier’ from ‘Soldier’. Feat. No Soldier

The song ‘Soldier’ is a mystery in itself. The film is about a son’s endeavour to restore his dad’s honour. But no, Bobby is not a soldier. So, why does Preity waddle about singing ‘Soldier, soldier’ like a loon, you ask? Ummmm…

However, this song, choreographed by Saroj Khan (who perhaps hopes to forget this disaster ever happened someday), is a masterful treatise on the benefits of brisk walking.
Featuring 1 minute 20 seconds of Bobby just walking (yes, I counted).

In front of a sunset.

Up a mountain.
Next to a river.
While dancing.

In front of a train.
While kidnapping your girlfriend.

Just walking.
Just because.

Let’s not forget the fantastic moves. Like this one:
And this one:

Not to forget, this was an action thriller. So there were many, many cool stunts and moves. Like this one that will make Salman Khan’s Kick stunt eat dust:
And of course, the multi-talented Bobby has a long drum solo that will make Whiplash look like child’s play.
One of the only hits of Bobby’s career, this is a movie that you cannot miss. Just because of one man. The star of this film. This guy:
He is the single most awesome part of this film. No, seriously.

Featuring:
Debut of Bobby’s Armpit Hair?
No soldier
Bobby walking
More Bobby walking
Peak of Bobby’s filmography

Return of the Boss: ‘Jalte Diye’ from Prem Ratan Dhan Paayo

Sooraj Barjatya is back and how! With Bhai in a double role and Sonam Kapoor playing his love interest aadarsh nari. Barjatya, however, has come back all badass like a boss and shit. Aadarsh nari sports cool sunglasses, wears *gasp* *cough* *cough* an LBD that is also *choking with the gasping* STRAPLESS!

I cannot even breathe with all this badassery! Wallah! Feminist only! And our naari even gives our Bhai a polite pat on the bum. *Applause* Amazing only! We have come so far from ‘jal pijiye’ ala Vivaah. *shudders*So this song is supposed to be a romantic song between our hero and naari. At least that’s what the lyrics, the set, the mood convey.

However, our Bhai clearly did not get the brief! He spends all two minutes of the video grimacing, looking pained, mildly stalkerish and basically Halloweening the bloody bejesus out of this song.Even as he scrawls his amazingly popular Twitter posts like ‘Hey!’ on Sonam’s back with a feather that is like an unintended throwback to that torturous song from Yaadein that I had reviewed earlier here!
The song has the naari twisting and writhing, in a very sanskari fashion of course, to *gasp* SEDUCE *double gasp* our Bhai! That too in an open garden! Naari even bites lower lip lightly and shuts the garden gate and then looks meaningfully at hero as a signal to get it on.
Badass. So badass!
Bhai meanwhile of course looks mildly horrified.Well, not that I blame him. Ummm..Sonam..? Yea come on..Really?

The released video is of course an edited version so we do not find out whether he did indeed boom boom bang with her body yo *self-flagellating for even saying the words for a Barjatya film*. But by the closing shots of the video, it seems Bhai kept his virtues intact, safe, frozen, just like his facial expressions. Featuring:
Yaadein ki Yaad
Bhirgin Bhai
Naughty Naari
Badass Barjatya
AND
An LBD, folks! An LBD!