‘We Wish You A Great Life’ from Aap Mujhe Achche Lagne Lage

After the tsunami of Kaho Na Pyaar Hai, ‘Rohit’ is back to blow your mind with Aap Mujhe Achche Lagne Lage. From the name, the look, the feel, you might think this is a Sooraj Barjatya film. Or a Rakesh Roshan one! But SURPRISE! From the director of Raaz comes this very special film!

2Now if you haven’t seen this film you should probably go jump off the cliff immediately. But that apart, this song might leave you dumbfounded and lost, and not just because of the way it is written. And so here’s a short recap! Well, behenji rich girl Sapna (Amisha) meets dude boy Rohit (duh, Hrithik!). Hrithik Christiano Ronaldo Roshan is a total stud who is the cool guy in college and his opening scene is a football match where he takes the ball single handedly from one side of the field to the other dodging every player with no assists wearing uncomfortably short shorts.

1aAlso, he scores all the goals for his team and makes them win. And he ALSO defends. Bro, if this shit was on our Indian football team then aaj story hi kuch aur hoti. But sigh.

So it’s love at first sight for Rohit and love at first fight for Sapna. Also featuring the most epic falling in love expression ever seen in Indian cinema:

1Girl’s father is a Gujju don control freak (Kiran Kumar) and the brother is deadly don son Vasooli Bhai from Golmaal.

3Both are maniacs who don’t let her breathe, eat, sleep, or even go to her friend’s wedding without their permission. Sapna’s purpose in life is to get married to Rohit and so she goes through the movie all dressed for a wedding. Coz you always need to be prepared!

4Sapna runs away with Rohit leaving Gujju Don and Vasooli Bhai going bat shit crazy baying for their blood! And guess where Rohit decided to hide his lady love! The boys’ hostel! Because who would think of looking for her there, right?

They sincerely believe they will be able to hide one dumb girl in that hostel full of boys but she ends up screaming and running across the hostel letting everyone know she has arrived *facepalm*.

Hostel boys are furious that Rohit is putting their lives in danger and even an emotional little dialogue from the hero does not move them. But then Sapna steps in with a tearful speech about her sad life and even sadder wardrobe due to which she had to borrow the hero’s clothes and the boys melt into puddley poo.

5And so this song is the celebration song from the Hostel Boys to Behenji and Dude wishing them a Great Life…

And themselves too! Coz the Great Life extends to them: getting a free cook, laundry-girl, cleaner without the headache of a girlfriend or the wallet-pain of a maid! Which is exactly what the song starts with: them dumping all their dirty laundry and meal orders on her. But she comes cheap. A flying kissie from her bae gets her going!

6They run around singing, dancing, playing basketball, tug-of-war and doing other miscellaneous stuff across the campus without the Principal noticing of course!

The music is by our very own Mr Rajesh Roshan and these pathbreaking lyrics are by Dev Kohli, the phenomenal man behind the lyrics of equally stunning songs such as Haila Haila from Koi Mil Gaya, Mr. Lova Lova from Ishq, Chocolate Lime Juice from Hum Aapke Hain Kaun and *drumroll* Yeh To Sach Hai Ki Bhagwan Hai from Hum Saath Saath Hain! Applause please!

7The lyrics do not beat about the bush at all and come straight to the point:

‘—MALE—
I promise you a great life
I want you to be my wife
–CHORUS–
Life life
–MALE–
Wife wife
–CHORUS–
Life life
–MALE–
Wife wife’

This is something we more evolved folks call ‘unpretentious poetry’. You lay people will not understand. Now stop making fun of it. Hmph!

And because she is a nice, sweet, adorable girl, she makes it a point to put in a proper Acknowledgements right at the very beginning:

‘Thank you thank you thank you
Sandy, Madhu, Chintu
Thank you for great life’

There is some fabulous choreography on display in this song of course:

8And yes, the Principal/Guard/Random Authority Figure only makes it a point to check the premises for five seconds at night. Because that is what happens at engineering colleges across the country. True story.

Rohit is brimming with love and finds the dumb behenji lady incredibly endearing. Obviously.

9Then follows the greatest special effects sequence of Amisha Patel’s career:

10Though why anyone would need to show a scene with random guys prancing around as special effects is a question that even God would apply a facepalm to.

And there is the stars, the night sky, the firecrackers, all CGI love!

11And some more brilliant choreography:

12Sapna chills with the back benchers slobbering all over Rohit’s hand, dances with all of them in the chemistry lab and the college grounds and the classroom and the hallways, AND NOBODY SEES! What college is this, pray!

The song ends with a group shot of all these lackeys with the happy couple. Yes, they gather the entire student body on the college premises and manage to click a group shot with a girl with no college faculty showing up and hauling them up

13No moral speeches here. To those other unfortunate souls who had to sit through any part of this movie like me, wishing you a great life! Ok Tata!

Featuring
‘Kyaaunki meri shaakl Rohit se milti hai’
Kaho Na Pyar Hai Hangover
Shittiest College Administration/Security EVER
Most Predictable Rhymes EVER
… and…
Token Sardar Friend

14P.S. One last dance to end! Ok you can kill me after this one!

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Ignore this and Amisha Patel will come back to acting and you will be plagued by Rajesh Roshan music every morning for the rest of your life.

‘Su Su Su Aa Gaya’ from ‘Tarazu’

Yes, you read it right! It is indeed ‘Su su su’ in the name of the song! Don’t shake your head yet! This song, soulfully rendered by our very own Kumar Sanu and penned by Sameer, subtly touches upon the grave issue of lack of public toilets in the country. To add to this magic combination, there is the evergreen music set by Rajesh Roshan and Akshay Kumar’s charm which will leave you hair-aan!

Our hero is trying to chill with a Thumbs up and a bunch of nasty kids start cribbing about wanting to do susu. So that is how the stage is set for what comes next!

The song begins with of course the issue at hand:
‘Su su su aa gaya mein kya karu
Su su su aa gaya mein kya karu
Su su su aa gaya mein kya karu
Su su su aa gaya mein kya karu’

Why every one of those kids wants to pee at the same time and how they hold it in for 4 minutes 28 seconds is anybody’s guess!

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2And then begins the striptease. For every minute Akki strips 5 inches of cloth! And bares his incredibly sexy chest hair. For your eyes only!

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The dance steps are of course very subtle as well.

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And then, because more striptease is of course required, our little scumbags strip to their chaddis and shake some booty. Arre na na na exploitation thodi na hai. Just some fun and games. Sheesh! All you perverts!

5And then a handstand from Khiladi Kumar. Because he be too cool yo!

Also, our man cringes at the sight of the nanga bachchas so he quickly pulls their pants up before anyone else sees.

6He is toh very virtuous only.

7Now for some exercises that encourage bowel movement and help make the fluid flow smoother.

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Now that susu is ready to roll, enter random man dressed as a woman. In red.

9And Akki is totally floored.

10Arre hotness overload!

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12How can Akki stop himself! Seduction in front of little kids! Totally not inappropriate!

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14Now the bachchas are the sane ones. They bring back the issue at hand: lack of toilets and the need to pee:

‘Koi humko dekhe ga
Sharm to humko aayegi
Aankh milaenge kaise
Badnaami ho jaayegi’

Because of course, susu karne se toh you will barbaad karo your family honour no!

To which Akki replies:

‘Are khada hun mein danda leke’

Chee chee chee… vulgar people! THAT is not what he means! He just means that he will guard the area while they do their business! Uff! Dimag mein sirf kachda you have!

15Finally, our man, exhausted and weary after all that drama, drags his half naked body across the premises to finally discover — voila! A ‘mootralaya’! (‘Urinal’, you angrez ke bachchon!)

16He whistle podus and all the little bladder-bursting buggers rush in, along with the temptress in red, to finally let the river flow! Power to the pee-ple!

17After everybody has barged into the ONE urinal in the area, our hero skips across in relief only to suddenly stop and listen to Nature’s call!

Red Lady refuses to let him enter. God only knows what she was doing to the little kids in that even littler urinal!

He runs around trying to find a place to let the beast out but no luck! People keep popping out of all available hubs — tree ke neeche, jhaadi ke peeche, random khopche. So finally our man does what he must do.

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Pool full of pee. Like a boss.

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20Featuring:

Ritesh Deshmukh in a red-efining cameo
Pee-ce-full little kids
The answer to water shortage in east Delhi
Midget Himeshs waving caps around
and King Kong in a White Shirt

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